LIfe can be real scary

Well...I've been laid off since the end of September and while I have been searching for jobs and applying for them, I still haven't a new job.  I am going back to college to pursue a Nursing degree so I can become an RN, but still have bills to pay.  I do not know what will happen next, and it scares me.  The only comfort I have is knowing that God is always with me and will never leave me nor forsake me.  I trust God will take care of things, I just don't know how or when.  I can only take life one day at a time now.

Parenthood: The adventure is just beginning

Well parenthood is indeed an adventure.  You just never know what is going to happen next.  One day can be wonderful with amazing 'firsts' for the little one.  Another day can leave you exhausted and frustrated.  All in all, it is well worth it.  You just have to take the good with the bad.  I can't even imagine who and what my little princess will grow up into.

God v. the world

As you know, and if you don't you do now, my last day of employment is tomorrow.  It is indeed a time of trial on my soul as well as on my lovely wife.  Sure it appears something bad is happening, but with God there is always more than meets the eye.  I believe God is closing this door so that I may enter into another one.  This next door, I believe anyway, is the pathway for me to become an RN.  I am at least exploring the possibility of returning to school and get the education in Nursing to pursue a career as an RN.  I also believe this path will certainly challenge and develop me to become all that more like Christ.  I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I do know I must desperately depend on God to come through.

 

I also don't want to boast about how I get there because of such and such government assistance or whatever.  No, I want to boast about how it was all God who showed up and came through working all things together.  His word teaches us that He does work in all things for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  So if it is His purpose for me to become an RN, He will indeed make it happen.  All thoughout His word He shows up and comes through over and over again and again.  He came through for Abraham, and for Joseph, and for David, and for Gideon, and so many more!  I want to believe He will show up for me, but it is hard.  Mind and heart just don't get along sometimes.

 

So yes, I don't want to depend on government to have my bills paid and food bought and all the other household expenses.  I only want to depend on God!  Besides, with what I'm reading now in the book of Isaiah (somewhere around chapters 30-40) our Heavenly Father doesn't like it when we go to depend on some government or another nation (Egypt) for provisions.  He wants us to depend on Him, to come to Him first, to seek His kingdom first!  So...that's what I'm going to do, pursue Him like a passionate lover after a captivating beauty!

 

 

I do ask that you pray for my wife, daughter and I asking God to show up and do what He loves to do for us.

There is always more than meets the eye

We've all heard it before, "Don't judge a book by its cover."  This is very true, especially with people.  You simply cannot assume anything about people.  While it may not be apparent, even to ourselves, there is so much depth to us all.  The hard part is building up the courage to engage the journey to discover just what is underneath.  Circumstances are like this too.  A circumstance may appear one way, but be something else altogether.  Sometime we don't know until after something happens.  Then we're like, "Oh, that wasn't as bad as I thought."  Or, "That was worse than I thought."  You just never know.

Computers are fickle too.  I have one right now that refuses to boot up.  So I don't know what is going on.  I'm going to have to spend much time troubleshooting and exploring what the problem is.  My gut tells me it got a virus.  Who knows.  Only time will reveal the truth.

Oh how He loves me!

Yes!  Above and beyond everything else, God loves me!  No matter what the circumstances, God loves me...and He loves all of you too (psst...take a look at John 3:16 for starters).  We really have nothing to worry about because God is bigger than all things and all circumstances in this world.  There is no circumstance that God cannot handle.  He is bigger than all of that.  So when the goings get tough, just remember:  Oh how He loves me!

Enter Kazoo Man: Metallica Enter Sandman performed on KAZOO by Mister T...

Is my blog being read?

Hi all,

This is a puzzling question I have been thinking about for a while now. I have no real way of knowing if my blog is being viewed or not unless readers post a comment in response to my posts. So as an experiment, I'm posting this with the simple question:

Is my blog being read?

Please post a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

Follow-up from "Patience"

Well I did hear back from Whirlpool sooner than later. I was told that they were looking for someone with a broader experience. Okay, whatever.

So the job search continues, only now I am asking Jesus every morning if I should job search today. I won't do any job searching until He tells me to. So much stress is eliminated when I just shut-up and listen to what He has to say.

Patience

Waiting can be so hard. I know that patience is a good thing and all part of the Fruit of the Spirit, but still it is hard. Since my position with my current employer is slated to be eliminated, I've been doing a lot of job searching. I have had some interviews, but nothing yet. I applied for a position with Whirlpool and not only have had a phone interview, but also an in-person interview. Now all I can do is wait. I have the strong hope that I will get the job, but my mind is stepping in saying "don't hold your breath." On one hand I do want to believe that I'll get the job, but on the other hand I don't want to hold any expectation that will just set me up for another hurt. Of course any time I open my heart up to hope, despair will come also. It seems you can't have one without the other.

For now...I wait.

Love and War...excellent read

Well I've finished reading the latest book by John and Stasi Eldredge called Love and War.

This has certainly increased my awareness of the spiritual warfare that occurs daily. It has also been a tremendous encouragement and affirmation.

Thank you John and Stasi.

Love and War

I've just finished chapter two of Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge.

Two things really stand out to me. The first is on page 37, "Now consider this--marriage is the sanctuary of the heart. You have been entrusted with the heart of another human being. Whatever else your life's great mission will entail, loving and defending this heart next to you is part of your great quest." In the words of Neo...whoa! Marriage is indeed an epic journey. I can't imagine even trying to do this without God in the center.

The second is on page 38, "Being married costs you everything. ...We all know that loving is hard. Marriage is hard. It is hard because it is opposed." Aaaaaaaah yes...anything that is of God is opposed by the devil and his. One of my teachers, Dr. Bob Laurent, expresses the we don't really fall in love. Rather, we climb up into love. I've come to the basic conclusion that love is the decision to put someone else ahead of myself. It is to say, you matter more to me than I matter to myself. The Greek word for this agape. To say I love God is then to say I agape Him...I'm selflessly devoted to Him. I indeed agape my wife.

Remembering What We Wanted

I've just finished chapter one of the latest book by John and Stasi Eldredge, Love and War.

In this chapter a challenging question is posed. It all comes down to this, what do we want? This is a challenge because I think there is this battle between mind and heart. Our hearts may have all this desire for romance, but our minds step in and recall past experience and say "Oh that just won't happen." I admit, so much of me is ready to lose heart...to give up all those dreams because the world around me and my mind are all saying "it won't happen".

Isn't it true, though, that it's not about what I want anyway? It's all about what He wants. It is true also that marriage is all His idea, His design, so indeed He will want to make it work. All I have to do is surrender to His will and His power and get myself out of the way.

I do have this battle about the whole subject of desire. It seems to me that I ought not have any desire except for God and what He wants. So in a sense, I'm a slave to Him. My desire then becomes irrelevant, doesn't it??? It's not about me. I don't get to have what I want. I only get to have what He wants. Now I do trust Him and do love Him. God knows me better than I know myself. God see all things where I cannot. So if you ask me what I want, I can only say that I want what He wants...shalom...all things as they should be.

Education v. Experience

It seems to me that with today's job market, employers are more interested in real work experience than in classroom education. I'm thinking it is because there is just so much that can be taught in the classroom. So much more can be learned through experience. I believe this is especially true with regard to any of the technical jobs or applied sciences. It's one thing to read about programming in HTML, but another to actually do it.

As I continue to quest to find another job, I'm also taking steps to return to school and pursue an education in web development. Baker College in Michigan has a very nice online campus and offers a Bachelor's in Web Development completely online! This works for me. Now I either need to get another job or see what financial aid I can get. Only time will tell.

Love and War: Introduction

All I can say is WOW! I just love how real John and Stasi get about life in general. As I read, I don't feel at all intimidated by any of it. These are real people sharing their real lives. I don't want to give any spoilers, so I'll just say that Love and War is an excellent read for anyone who does indeed want to "get real".

Love and War

It finally arrived! The folks of Ransomed Heart are generous enough to give a free copy of Love and War, the latest work of John and Stasi Eldredge, to those who are bloggers. I haven't begun to read the book yet, but as soon as I do I will indeed be sharing what it says to me.

In the meantime, I will say a little bit about another book of Eldredge titled Walking with God. I just finished reading the section Winter and am just blown away at how much and often spiritual warfare happens in my daily life. Honestly, I never really gave this warfare a second thought when I began my journey with Christ. I had the impression that His name is the most powerful name there is (which is true) and all I have to do is say it to cause the demons to tuck tail and run. I'm now learning and realizing this isn't the case. Indeed we live in a world at war. There is warfare going on all time, and so much of it is so very subtle.

What really stood out to me was when John comments that he did not grow up in a Christian home. Wow! Neither did I! Instantly I can relate with John on this. After reading what he has to say about how Jesus will go with us into our past and sanctify us there and thus bring healing, I prayed and walked with Him in my past. I don't see so much a passive poser any longer, but a follower of Christ who has much to learn but is on the right path with my Master leading. I see myself as the young Padawan learner following the lead of my Jedi Master LOL! :)

Much of what I see in this Winter section of Walking with God has much to do with surrender, humility, and learning to identify warfare when it happens. I'm going to be laid off from my job next month. This is indeed going to be a massive change for me and my family. Holy Moses! Saying "my family" has a whole new meaning now. For such a long time my family meant my parents and sister. Not any more. Now "my family" primarily is my wife and daughter will be 8 months old on Monday. ZOW! I'm still getting used to that. Anyway, I've prayed about what is next. I've been job searching. I did apply for a couple of jobs and did even get interviews for them. However, the jobs were offered to another. I believe everything happens for a reason. Perhaps God was using these experiences to validate me as a man, to say "Yes, Tom, you have what it takes. However, if you follow Me I'll take you to something even better." Ooooooooo, lead on Lord! Now I'm researching going back to school full-time to pursue a Bachelors degree in Web Development. I don't know what will happen next, but I do feel okay with being patient right now.

The plans of the diligent lead to profit
as surely as haste leads to poverty. --Proverbs 21:5 (NIV)

Salt

I just saw again on video a message from one of my pastors, Rob Wegner. Rob was teaching in part of a message series called Viral Effect. This particular message was about Matthew 5:13, which reads "¹³You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

What Rob spoke to us about from this is that what Jesus is telling us is this, He believes in us and we matter to Him. Jesus tells us that we are the salt of the earth. It is through us that He brings His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, or "up there down here" as Rob would say.

This ties in with my previous post. If we are to be the salt of this earth, we must first surrender all of ourselves to Himself so we don't lose any saltiness.

This is just profound.

Less is More

I've come to a much better understanding of what Jesus meant when He spoke about denying myself in Matthew 16:24. It goes along with not being able to arrange for the life I want under my own effort. It goes along with being saved by grace through faith and not by myself. If I'm ever going to discover and follow the Script God has written in my heart, I must surrender all of myself over to Himself. It doesn't matter when I get to go from here to there, because of Christ I have an eternity of life ahead...so what's the rush? Because we have eternal life in Christ, is time really relevant anymore? I don't think so. Patience is part of the Fruit of the Spirit. So if I don't get to be the full-time musician I know He made me to be in this life on this earth, who's to say I won't in the next? When I came to this point about marriage, *WHAM* I met Becka and now I'm married with a beautiful baby girl! Hmmmmmmm....

For those reading who feel you have to strive more, try harder, to be more like Jesus or closer to Jesus...my challenge to you is to stop striving! When in all your striving you get frustrated because stuff isn't working like you expected, stop...pray...and surrender. Let Him make you more like Himself. Let Him come closer to you. Let Him show you the Script He has written in your heart.

Ephesians 2:8-10 reads "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." WOW! Also, 2 Corinthians 5:17 reads "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" ZOW! What I take away from all this is that when I surrender all of myself over to Himself, I really become a new creation and can now live the life He has "prepared in advance" for me to live. Striving doesn't do it...only surrendering.

Indeed...less is more.

It's Not About Me

If you've read the Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren, this is the first line you read in chapter 1. This lines up with Matthew 16:24, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Here's what this says to me.

"...deny himself..."
Indeed it's not about me. It's all about Him. To follow Christ is to submit to His will, to surrender my life to His, to become all of His. So really then, any good thing I engage in isn't of my own effort. It is all of His effort in me. I can love others because He loved me first. I can give to others because He gave to me first. This leads into another verse of the Word in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God wrote a Script for our unique lives in our hearts, so this is where I look.

"...take up his cross daily..."
It won't be easy. Jesus never said it will be easy. Jesus also said in John 10:9-11, "⁹I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. ¹⁰The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ¹¹"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. " Indeed our Shepherd laid down His life for us.

"...and follow Me."
We're not alone. Jesus is always with us no matter what the circumstances. There are numerous verses in the Word that clearly tell us that He is always with us, He will never forsake us.

God is good!

Update, my interview with Haworth last Friday was great. I felt very confident and that Jesus was with me all the way! Haworth made a very good first impression with me. I pray that Jesus will continue to work in all things that I may be offered the job.

Empowered with His strength and captivated by His beauty,

Tom

Healing Leap in my Heart

My position here with Bosch is slated to be eliminated sometime this year. So this has naturally motivated me to seek for another job opportunity. After quite a bit of prayer and conversations with God, He has worked all things together and now I have an in-person interview with Haworth in Holland, Michigan, this Friday the 26th. Haworth is a company that designs and manufactures office furniture. The position I applied for is titled Product Information Coordinator, which is a position not too unlike that one I hold now. I've asked Jesus if He indeed arranged for this, and I believe He is nodding 'yes'. What is more encouraging, they scheduled to give me a tour of the facility after the interview. This gives me very high hopes that they will offer me the job. Lord willing I do take the job with Haworth, this means my wife, daughter, and I will be relocating up to that area. We'd like to live in the Fruitport, Michigan, area which is about a 35 minute drive north of Holland. We already have a church home up there with Fellowship Reformed Church, which is where Becka grew up and where we were married. Pastor Greg Vandermeer is a terrific speaker and a great brother. God is good.

Now here is something really wild. I was spiritually assaulted. The enemy did a number on me that made me call in sick. I did see my doctor and she told me I got a stomach bug, but I still believe the Evil One arranged for it. I've been re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Being the father of a baby girl, I am motivated to explore and discover as much as I can about the soul of a woman. I want to know also how my role as husband will influence my wife and as father will influence my daughter. I had a very intimate moment with Jesus. I was sitting in my backyard with my dog, Bella, just soaking in the Beauty of nature around me. I asked God to romance me, to kiss my soul. I was hoping He'd have a hawk fly in the yard for a moment. Instead, I noticed Bella. She was just playing with a stick, not caring at all what the world around her thought of it. Then I realized this was His kiss. God was reminding me that I need to take time out here and there to just play. Then I really opened my heart to Jesus and asked Him to come in deeper than before. He did! For a time, I had been struggling with the question of what is my purpose on this earth. I know the global purpose of loving Him, but I have been seeking a more specific purpose. The role God has written just for me, and no one else. Then it hit me! Growing up, I have always been captivated by Beauty. Whether it be nature, music, art, girls…my heart has always come alive in the presence of true Beauty. I'm sure unlike most boys, I began taking notice of girls since the 1st grade. I wasn't so interested in roughing around or playing sports. I'm a lover. I remember back from taking Core Class 301 with Granger Community Church, the question was presented: What makes you come alive inside? Well that's easy, music! I have a heart for music. Now for the kicker. I had re-read from Captivating about the enemy and how he was once Lucifer who was perfect in beauty. Since he fell, satan has been assaulting all thing beautiful since…especially Eve! Ever notice how it was not Adam who was targeted with the temptation? Eve and all her daughters have been the target of a deadly assault. And not just her, but look at the assault on this earth. Strip mines, landfills, pollution of all kinds…this is an assault on Beauty! Connecting the dots, I now know that God has charged me with a journey to invite my sisters along to explore and discover just what God meant when He created Eve. Upon reaching this conclusion, my soul just surged with joy! I broke out with laughter.

I've already been corresponding with my Pastor Greg and he is excited about it. This is my purpose, to offer my strength on a journey to help women rediscover the true Feminine heart. Of course, I'd also want to build a Band of Brothers and engage that journey to rediscover our true Masculine hearts.

I had a shocking revelation! I went to see Celtic Woman at the Morris with my wife and sister. It was a glorious performance and a moment of true Beauty. Those ladies are truly captivating and honestly drew me closer to God that evening. My heart really came alive. The next day, I was wrestling with thoughts that I'm sure weren't my own. Again, the enemy attacks! I cried out to Jesus and opened my heart to Him. He came in and held on to me. I know He came into more of the wounded places in my heart to begin healing. During all this time, dots started to connect. Jesus did remind me that we live in a world at war, we do have an enemy, and that enemy has been assaulting and continues to assault all things beautiful in this world. I was then able to identify that while I have the heart for music, the talent I have has gone un-nurtured while growing up as a boy. I really didn't get any kind of nurturing until I pretty much became a teen where I got to play in the band at school. I never got any piano lessons as a boy. I asked my mom last night if she would have, had we had access to a piano, and she said 'yes'. So I'm putting 2 and 2 together and I came to the realization that I have been the target of a deadly assault from the Evil One!!! I recall reading in Wild at Heart that satan knows all that we are capable of being…and fears it. Whoa! That's it. The reason why I'm not doing what I love to do and getting paid for it is because the enemy arranged for it! Now you might say that I'm at where I'm at because it is God's will. To me that statement is just an easy-out for us. It doesn't really require us to explore the circumstances and discover more of 'why'. It's another form of passivity. Jeremiah 29:11-13 clearly tells us that God has plans for us to prosper, not fail. It's important to remember that not every thought that enters our minds is our own. We know that the enemy can plant ideas into our minds, ideas that can seem quite harmless. I'm convinced this is exactly what happened while growing up. I did not grow up in the church. My parents just didn't go and so both my sister and I grew up without Jesus in our hearts. So basically my parents just weren't listening to God. I don't condemn them at all. I do love them very much and continue to ask God to open the eyes of their hearts so they may see the reality of the relationship they can have with Him.

So there it is. My heart is relieved now that I have some answers, but I'm also angry about this continued assault on all things beautiful. I'm now asking Jesus to help me take the necessary steps that I may do the thing I love to do, play an instrument making music, and get paid for it. I don't know what will happen next or how it will happen or even when, but I do know that God is going to show up and do something extraordinary.




Empowered with His strength and captivated by His beauty,

Tom

Romanced by God

The wonderful thing about prayer is that you can do it anytime and anywhere. I like to talk with God when I'm driving to and from work. Sometime I just praise Him, other times I vent. This morning, as I was driving in, I asked God to kiss my soul…to give me something beautiful. As I would glance over to the eastern sky, I saw a beautiful display of colors as the sun continued to rise. That was His kiss.

Have you ever though of God as being a Romantic? He is the biggest Romantic in the universe! Just look at His creation. The earth is full of all things romantic. Sunsets and sunrises, star filled night skies, the full moon, Lake Michigan waves crashing along the shoreline, wild flowers, trees and grasses, red-tailed hawks, horses, white-tailed deer, and the most beautiful of all creation…woman. Yeeeeeees, that's right ladies, you are the Crown of Creation. Creation just is not complete without you. So yeah, God is indeed a big Romantic and Master Artist.

So the next time you are outdoors or just looking out the window, pay attention. God is romancing us all the time.


Here some more for your reading enjoyment:

Name-->Identity-->Purpose

A Moment of True Beauty




Empowered with His strength and captivated by His beauty,

Tom

A time of Beauty

Yesterday was my birthday and as a gift my parents gave me tickets to see Celtic Woman along with my wife and sister. I gotta say, these ladies of Celtic Woman are indeed captivating. My heart was, for that time, alive! Having a passion for music myself, especially this kind, really excited my soul. I wish I could have met at least one of these ladies face to face. They really are giving the world something beautiful and captivating. Part of me wished I could've been up there with them, playing on a drum. From a previous post, a few years ago I would have had a hard time seeing something like this. I can honestly say I've taken some big steps with Christ since. I still feel the wound here and there, but I can give it over to Jesus. It's true, I wish I could be play a drum or my bari sax and get paid for it. It would be awesome if I could do the thing that really makes me come alive inside and get paid for it. Alas, this world just won't allow it. I thank God for community concert bands.

I can hardly wait until I get to play in His orchestra after He takes me home.

I got an interview!

Yes, I got an in-person interview with Haworth in Holland, MI. It's for a position that isn't too much unlike what I'm doing now with Bosch. I hope all goes well, which I have a good feeling it will.

FYI, I've begun to also blog over on RansomedHeart.net So feel free to check that out was well.

Just this afternoon, I've had the most intimate moment with Jesus. I believe I'm finally learning how to open my heart up to Him, invite Him in, and truly feel His presence. I can't believe I've missed this before. The emotions that I feel transcend words. I certainly feel joy. The rest is just, well, wow! In that moment, I asked Jesus if this job at Haworth is the one I will fill next and I see His head nodding 'yes'! I trust Him. Only time will tell now.

empowered with His strength and captivated by His beauty,

Rhythm Warrior

To truck or not to truck...only time will tell

From my last post, I wrote that my current job will be eliminated sometime in 2010. So far, I'm still working. I am aggressively looking for a new job though. In my search, I have seen there just is no demand for one with my background. Dang! Hmmm, now what?

After some prayer and meditation and time, I have become enthusiastic about truck driving. So right now I'm researching it. I don't know if this will become my next job or not, but I do trust that God will deliver. I can say that I'm ready for a new challenge and a new kind of job. Life is indeed an adventure, you just never know where God will take us next.