Healing Leap in my Heart

My position here with Bosch is slated to be eliminated sometime this year. So this has naturally motivated me to seek for another job opportunity. After quite a bit of prayer and conversations with God, He has worked all things together and now I have an in-person interview with Haworth in Holland, Michigan, this Friday the 26th. Haworth is a company that designs and manufactures office furniture. The position I applied for is titled Product Information Coordinator, which is a position not too unlike that one I hold now. I've asked Jesus if He indeed arranged for this, and I believe He is nodding 'yes'. What is more encouraging, they scheduled to give me a tour of the facility after the interview. This gives me very high hopes that they will offer me the job. Lord willing I do take the job with Haworth, this means my wife, daughter, and I will be relocating up to that area. We'd like to live in the Fruitport, Michigan, area which is about a 35 minute drive north of Holland. We already have a church home up there with Fellowship Reformed Church, which is where Becka grew up and where we were married. Pastor Greg Vandermeer is a terrific speaker and a great brother. God is good.

Now here is something really wild. I was spiritually assaulted. The enemy did a number on me that made me call in sick. I did see my doctor and she told me I got a stomach bug, but I still believe the Evil One arranged for it. I've been re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Being the father of a baby girl, I am motivated to explore and discover as much as I can about the soul of a woman. I want to know also how my role as husband will influence my wife and as father will influence my daughter. I had a very intimate moment with Jesus. I was sitting in my backyard with my dog, Bella, just soaking in the Beauty of nature around me. I asked God to romance me, to kiss my soul. I was hoping He'd have a hawk fly in the yard for a moment. Instead, I noticed Bella. She was just playing with a stick, not caring at all what the world around her thought of it. Then I realized this was His kiss. God was reminding me that I need to take time out here and there to just play. Then I really opened my heart to Jesus and asked Him to come in deeper than before. He did! For a time, I had been struggling with the question of what is my purpose on this earth. I know the global purpose of loving Him, but I have been seeking a more specific purpose. The role God has written just for me, and no one else. Then it hit me! Growing up, I have always been captivated by Beauty. Whether it be nature, music, art, girls…my heart has always come alive in the presence of true Beauty. I'm sure unlike most boys, I began taking notice of girls since the 1st grade. I wasn't so interested in roughing around or playing sports. I'm a lover. I remember back from taking Core Class 301 with Granger Community Church, the question was presented: What makes you come alive inside? Well that's easy, music! I have a heart for music. Now for the kicker. I had re-read from Captivating about the enemy and how he was once Lucifer who was perfect in beauty. Since he fell, satan has been assaulting all thing beautiful since…especially Eve! Ever notice how it was not Adam who was targeted with the temptation? Eve and all her daughters have been the target of a deadly assault. And not just her, but look at the assault on this earth. Strip mines, landfills, pollution of all kinds…this is an assault on Beauty! Connecting the dots, I now know that God has charged me with a journey to invite my sisters along to explore and discover just what God meant when He created Eve. Upon reaching this conclusion, my soul just surged with joy! I broke out with laughter.

I've already been corresponding with my Pastor Greg and he is excited about it. This is my purpose, to offer my strength on a journey to help women rediscover the true Feminine heart. Of course, I'd also want to build a Band of Brothers and engage that journey to rediscover our true Masculine hearts.

I had a shocking revelation! I went to see Celtic Woman at the Morris with my wife and sister. It was a glorious performance and a moment of true Beauty. Those ladies are truly captivating and honestly drew me closer to God that evening. My heart really came alive. The next day, I was wrestling with thoughts that I'm sure weren't my own. Again, the enemy attacks! I cried out to Jesus and opened my heart to Him. He came in and held on to me. I know He came into more of the wounded places in my heart to begin healing. During all this time, dots started to connect. Jesus did remind me that we live in a world at war, we do have an enemy, and that enemy has been assaulting and continues to assault all things beautiful in this world. I was then able to identify that while I have the heart for music, the talent I have has gone un-nurtured while growing up as a boy. I really didn't get any kind of nurturing until I pretty much became a teen where I got to play in the band at school. I never got any piano lessons as a boy. I asked my mom last night if she would have, had we had access to a piano, and she said 'yes'. So I'm putting 2 and 2 together and I came to the realization that I have been the target of a deadly assault from the Evil One!!! I recall reading in Wild at Heart that satan knows all that we are capable of being…and fears it. Whoa! That's it. The reason why I'm not doing what I love to do and getting paid for it is because the enemy arranged for it! Now you might say that I'm at where I'm at because it is God's will. To me that statement is just an easy-out for us. It doesn't really require us to explore the circumstances and discover more of 'why'. It's another form of passivity. Jeremiah 29:11-13 clearly tells us that God has plans for us to prosper, not fail. It's important to remember that not every thought that enters our minds is our own. We know that the enemy can plant ideas into our minds, ideas that can seem quite harmless. I'm convinced this is exactly what happened while growing up. I did not grow up in the church. My parents just didn't go and so both my sister and I grew up without Jesus in our hearts. So basically my parents just weren't listening to God. I don't condemn them at all. I do love them very much and continue to ask God to open the eyes of their hearts so they may see the reality of the relationship they can have with Him.

So there it is. My heart is relieved now that I have some answers, but I'm also angry about this continued assault on all things beautiful. I'm now asking Jesus to help me take the necessary steps that I may do the thing I love to do, play an instrument making music, and get paid for it. I don't know what will happen next or how it will happen or even when, but I do know that God is going to show up and do something extraordinary.




Empowered with His strength and captivated by His beauty,

Tom